POET'S SKIN

I dance around vivid imagery and try to create sparks

Month: November, 2014

I dreamt that I flew


As I lay my systems down
on a bed of velvet, I
drowned;

Hidden under the duvet,
rests my mind set on fire,
ire.

But why, does this feel so light?
My brain’s not burning that bright,
right?

And yet I’m able to fly.
No wings, no jets, just I. Oh
my!

Was that just a ring of my
mind’s eye, that’s as free as a
sky?

But my body went against
a flow of air so lucid;
bright.

Was it real? Maybe, and not.
(Perhaps I was really soaring, just
under a different sky.)
Perhaps it was just a dream.
Oh.


For those of you who don’t really understand poems and their meanings, let me break it down to colloquial language for you. Basically, for the past 2 days, I had a really special dream. The content of my dreams were different but there was one constant – in my dreams, I flew. I really did seem to have flown across the green earth, and the feeling was really just too clear for me to even define it as a dream. It felt incredible. I always wanted to know how it felt like to be able to fly, and now I know. And I would give anything to have that dream again. Let me fly again.

Angie

underwater_elena_kalis11.jpg

The first thing I noticed about her was her hair. Her short, beautiful hair.

They descended like soft, cascading waterfalls falling on the sides of her face, seeming as though they were caressing the delicate silk of her skin. She had an ethereal glow moving around her entire movement, although I am not sure if that was just caused by the glaring light or by her herself. She spoke with a bubbly lilt that was unlike most people – even the enthusiastic ones. My eyes sparkled at her every muscle tension, every movement. She was like weather. Her every action screamed superiority even without her trying. She was the kind of person whose mood affected everyone else’s. Whatever she does, it will be hard not to notice.
Right now, she was a moving wind storm- the kind of weather kite flyers will greatly appreciate. She went from painting to painting, hanging them up with metal hooks that left the paintings dangling against the white backdrop gloriously, muttering jokes along the way. Under her lead, the lights were adjusted to angles that best suited the artwork. The way she did it, it made her seem as though she was bestowed with magical fingers. A touch of something and it turns to gold. The artworks were suddenly illuminated the moment her adjusted lights shone down on them.
She was dressed in a casual sleeveless denim top and black leggings, which reeked of chic and style even with the casual element in it. Her shoes were a brown leather wonder, shielding her from the dirt of the ground.
“Angie, be careful!” Her colleague bellowed, when she started losing balance on the ladder.
So her name was Angie. Mmm. Angie. I like how her name rolled on my tongue.

City of love.

“Table for?”
“One, please”
“This way.”

She follows the lady in,
and points to a window seat.
“I’d love it there, please.”
And so, there she finally sits.

She whips out her white machine –
now there it sits in angellic glory.
They match the color of the table,
both pristine, both adore-ry.

Flowers are casted by her side –
the resplendently pink creatures defining every line
of beauty aboard the world of mankind.
Sumptuous beings incarcerated by inanimate glass chugs –
a living paradox casted by her side.

And there she goes – typing away, fingers a fluttering
mess of puppets masquerading Juliet’s play.
Her stomach grumbles and roars like a grey sky.
It needs food, her mind plays out, like a signal obtained
from a morse code, wrapping deceit in perfect disguise.

She was supposed to be on a diet.
Groaning, she ordered half a dozen of croissants anyway.
After all, her stomach – it needed food to survive,
if not, her energy would go on a descent and her mood, ire.

“Half a dozen croissants for the lady in…”
She looked up at the bellowing voice of the waiter,
whose eyes greeted her with cerulean tints.
His voice wandered off in plumes of his minty breath
and their eyes locked for a minute and more seconds.

They cleared their throats and at that moment,
he swore to himself

that he just caught the most winsome smile of them all
The ravishing definitions of her face,
really, the most beautiful he had ever seen before.

And she swore to herself
that for once she felt
like her heart could handle
someone more than what
she ever hand held.

“Whats your name?”
They chimed in unison.
Hello, mellow, cello –
a greeting, a feeling, a note

that right then,

they               both                felt.

Tracks

This. So much.

Heartstring Eulogies

image source: we heart it image source: we heart it

Never trust the tracks,
They never take you where you
Really want to go

View original post

Me, bared.

 .

Dear everyone,

Where do I start? Perhaps I should start from telling you that I had a mental breakdown recently. Before you jump to conclusions, let me assure you that my mental breakdown was causing my sanity to teeter upon the edge of a pole for us normal people, but I went nowhere down actual depression/mental hysterics. I’m still a pretty normal person, just a little less normal. And what was my mental breakdown about?

Self-issues. 

Issues with self-identity, self-esteem and how I felt about people.

Everything was like a mingled hurricane, swirling around in the universal depths of my mind, compelling me to drown within my own thoughts.

I’ve had several periods like these in the past before, where I struggled with internal issues and probably a few external ones. I was not as strong as I looked, as confident as I seemed. Many people have reflected how I walk with the poise of a confident person, but inside, I was really frail. Weak. And powerless in the hands of people. But all of that has changed, especially this year, and especially after my recent mental breakdown.

I am proud to say that I am back. Not as the past Belle, but as the new Belle. And I feel like I have to provide some sort of closure to the old Belle, hence this new post, and also to declare the new me alive. 

Ergo, here is what I feel about my past and my present.

And let’s start from…

Friends.
Ah, friends. The ones everyone must have by their side.

But I would like firstly to say that I am very very very selective when it comes to keeping friends. Sure, my mode of making friends, or rather acquaintances, is arbitrary. Yet when it comes to keeping the select few, the true friends, I am extremely choosy. I believe in choosing the right friends to stay by my side, the ones who lift me up instead of pulling me down. The ones who can accept me for who I am no matter what I do/did. The ones who never disappoint me. And I know exactly who they are. If you’ve never spoken about me behind my back, criticizing me for my past wrongs, or if you’ve never called me a temperamental bitch when I’ve flared up really badly (in my past), then yes, you are the one. You are among the few I have in my mind. And you will know it yourself – whether you’ve done any of the above. If you are the one, you will know. And I thank you so so so so much, you have no idea how grateful I am for your existence, for your being. We will walk down even more roads in the future, I am certain. Thank you, once again. I promise I will always be there for you, no matter what, even when you think no one will ever understand your plight. But I will.

People. 

I am currently guarded against people.

Why?

Well, I hold expectations of people, just like you probably do. And because of that, I have let countless people put me down and disappoint me, so I don’t like holding expectations anymore. I am really content with the few true friends I have now, and I am not in need for social recognition or for meaningless acquaintances.

Of course, there will be some people (more like friends) that I won’t be guarded against because they are really nice and genuine and beautiful people. They are capable of lifting me up even when we aren’t that close friends, and they are capable of putting a smile on my face even on the days when I am in no mood to laugh. Then there are also the acquaintances (who are rather meaningless i would have to admit) who never fail to make me laugh or raise my moods up even if we are just acquaintances. In such a case, meaningless would be the wrong word to classify them. I thank all of such people, but to all the rest who judge me before they even actually know me as a person, please reflect upon yourself. Or if you’re someone who can’t accept my ways(my irresponsible tendencies and what not), then its totally understandable and I honestly don’t mind. Just don’t be an immature kid and broadcast that to the whole world because really? In my opinion, only dumb people do that, Im sorry.

In general, I can no longer look at people as though they are all angels and everyone is genuine and blah because look where that got me. No where. People aren’t as angelic as they seem, and I had to go through many things to realize that. My faith in people has waned, indeed, but I will still choose to look on the better side of people, any chance I can. Thank you every single person for stepping into my life, be it good or bad. I want to thank you because you are significant and you guys have all taught me lessons and probably more to come.

My past. 

To all the people I have hurt in the past, I am sorry. I know apologies hardly mean much, but it is genuine. I was really an immature child with no brains in the past and I have hurt many people through my two faced and hypocritical tendencies. You all know who you are because we probably got into conflicts. Still, I have probably already served my sentence and I know you were also pretty revengeful in the past and did bad stuff and got your sentence too. Anyway, I am just really glad that we have all matured and learnt how to forgive each other. I truly have. Thank you for reminding me that I was really dumb and bitchy and thank you for teaching me to be mature enough to forgive you and myself. Even if your stay in my life wasn’t a pleasant one to me, you guys taught me the most and I also taught myself the most. I am really glad to see you all enjoying your lives right now, just as I am. Thank you and sorry.

Also, I know I have been self-centered and made decisions that weren’t so good and I am so sorry for the people who’ve had to deal with that (this year). Sorry, sometimes i look back at myself and ask myself why I even agreed to let the decision be carried out but I guess I just dont think at all sometimes.

Family.

My number one base. My most treasured and cherished ones. I love them, I love my family. I am really grateful to be blessed with a complete family – a loving mother, a loyal and hardworking father, and a great brother. And even as I am typing this, my eyes have welled up in tears from all the gratefulness I am feeling. Sure, my dad may be a strict Authoritarian parent and I really really hate his parenting style (because that actually made me grow up in low self-esteem), but I love him alot. I know he says mean stuff to me some times but he is just worried about me, and I know that, even if sometimes I try to hide my knowledge of it (Sorry for the tall pride). My mum may like to flare up at us if we are in a bad mood but that’s just what bad moods do. They crank us up but my mum is really an extremely kind and loving mother. She is so kind that sometimes I look at her and just think, is she a human or an angel? And last but not least, my dear brother. No words can describe how I feel about him but im still going to try anyway. He and I may quarrel some times, but they are often shortlived. Furthermore, our arguments are nothing compared to the ones other siblings have. Other siblings argue noticeably everyday, but we hardly do. Also, my brother is so so so generous and unselfish, more than I ever was at his age. I love him. I love them. They are all so amazing. I hope they know that. Thank you for giving me a healthy family.

Last of all,

Me.

Talking about me in general is really really tough.
You have no idea how many persons I am, classified and bundled into one package that screams the name “Belle”.

Lets just start from me as a kid.
Raucous, immature, incensed, low self-esteem, irresponsible, two-faced, hypocritical, irritating, judgemental.
I was a tough little thing to handle. And if I were to see myself in the past, I know I would hate her (me).

Thank goodness, I have changed alot. This is not self-praise but I really have.

Of course, some things still stand (e.g. my irresponsibility, urgh) but alot of the bad ones have been washed away, gone by the tides of time.

I am self-centered. I admit it. I can be self-centered at times and this is something I’ve been since I was a kid. I am indeed trying my best to be as un self-centered as I can, but I can’t promise i won’t always be one. Also, I am self-centered only in certain aspects but when it comes to friends and all, I can assure you I am not. So maybe i ain’t that bad, but ok, still bad.

I am irresponsible. I can be pretty late for appointments especially those I don’t put a care on and that’s pretty rude. Also, since young, I tend to try and evade responsibility which was why no teacher ever appointed me as a prefect/student council or anything. This is an extremely bad trait intrinsic trait of mine that I am finding hard to change. But i know that if I don’t change it soon, I am going to face alot of problems because I am after all, nearing the age of a young adult. And adults need to be responsible. NEED.

I have had really bad low self-esteem. I believed in people’s doubts about me, so much such that it translated to me having doubts about myself. BUT NO MORE. Trust me, I will never walk down the road of low self-esteem anymore. I believe in myself, now, i really really do. And no matter how much you doubt me, I will not fall prey to your words.

I am was a people-pleaser. And that is nothing to be proud of.

When you are one, you automatically put your happiness and dreams into others’ hands and that’s not a wise thing to do because people will drop them every. single. time. I say, screw all of these people and just do your own thing. And like Ed sheeran once said, “I cant tell you the path for success but the road to failure is pleasing people.” These aren’t the exact words but they’re along that line. As of today and the rest of the days, I have decided to give up on pleasing people and catering to peoples’ needs and wants.

I am going to improve at my own pace no matter what people say. If they say i have any bad qualities i need to change, well, screw them because I am changing and this change may not be noticeable yet but they will be. I am not going to kneel down upon peoples’ requests or care about what they think of me.

I am going to be me in every way I can, except without the bad parts.

I am going to believe in myself and stop doubting myself. I am going to love myself every inch that I can.

Everything in the world is ephemeral and temporary, make the most out of it. Your life is too beautiful for insignificant people who don’t matter.

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You musn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

No matter how people cast their doubts on me, their opinions no longer matter.

I will be brave and courageous no matter how tempestuous the storm or dire the situation seems.

I will be fearless. Appreciative. Jubilant. And everything I dare to dream to be.

Today and everyday, I will be assertive. I will continue to find beauty in small, tiny things.

You can kiss goodbye to the old me.

Bye.

On rainy days

I breathe out frosty mist,
and inhale the damp and clammy miasma clogged in the air
around my legs and around my wrists.

The rain wrapped me in a frigid blanket,
topped with icy stalactites on their stalagmites,
biting into my skin with their glacial fangs.

I sigh but relent,
oh,
how the rain is back again.

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter,
I hear as onomatopoeia played on in full glory,
beating against the muted drums in my ear.

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter,
say the rain drops dipped in melancholy,
oh, how the rain left my body bloodied with fear.

On this rainy day, I am
void of shelter,
void of protection (where is my umbrella when I need it?)

On this rainy day, I tread
atop moist soil
atop nature’s toys (thank God for my platformed sneakers)

Yet the salience is not
on what I do on this day filled with thought –
it is that I feel the same way as the rain.

(b, s)

Child’s apocalypse

neverland001.jpg

It is scribbled limpidly across the skyline –
in darksome ink, by a brush with fibers so fine
that every other accustomed unco can see
from outside of the barricades packed with glee, that
he’s years too late, this is the apocalypse.

He didn’t know when to finish, Oh no, did he?
After all, his thorns were like pineapples on trees
Serrated, thorny-sharp, and everything it is
so much such that they pierced through the hearts of his kids
Mercy! screams cried out, but drowned by the crimson sea.

Emancipate us, pater, they begged him. Threw down on
knees scratched with blisters, skin torn by their wary father.
Valiance sublimed, they approached the figure which honed
them in character – or so he thought. In actual,
he fought a demon’s war, his young the only soldiers aboard.

(b, s)


A/n: The first poem of mine to be in a syllabic format, with 5 lines for every stanza. My neatest arranged poem yet. Can’t wait for the day I add in meters to my poems.

Ghost

underwater_dark19.jpg

My ghost is back
cloaked in a stygian black, colossal cloak,
hair over her eyes.
Wayward tendencies;
Surreptitious eyes;
Recalcitrant girl.

Maybe if I stand here long enough,
I will blend into the corrugated surfaces of walls;
Maybe if I lay here long enough,
I will be all rough and no smooth, like the bituminous road I am lying on;
Maybe if I stay still long enough,
I will be just a mere prop in a masquerade ball –
forgotten and thrown aside for dazzling ores.

No need for elusion, everything is ephemeral
And if I chant this to sleep every night,
will she disappear?

I fear that it is no longer opportune –
I am steps too late.
Epitome of disaster, epitome of hate
Even I can’t save myself now.


a/n: Someone please, please, please, tell me how to save myself from me.

Min

underwater_elena_kalis02.jpg

She enunciated the sobriquets named after her –
Minaerie, Minnie, Min who knows no sin
That’s what they all called her.
In schools, at parks, at the mall.
In their eyes, she was an Ivory-white sculpture,
carefully calibrated to fit near human perfection.
Even the freckles dotted on her face were embossed in resplendent colors of sepia,
never surfeit and just adequate.
She was put on a pedestal-
legs walking, eyes watching.

No one dared to touch her,
for fear of their insipidity beside her incandescent soul.
You see, her soul ran in rivers of opulence that no one they knew alive had,
the kind of luxury arcane to many.
And if yours doesn’t match up to the one in hers,
you may burn with a single touch.
So they stayed away, in ambivalence of the glory of her soul.

What’s worse was that she didn’t know.
She didn’t know she was sheer daemon,
moving in undulating patterns that discombobulated many others.

A human being
transcended into a supernatural state,
lesser than God,
more like an angel.

It was no wonder people eluded her,
and that she was often bathed in solitary silence,
so much such that there was ringing like tinnitus buzzing in her very ears.

What’s worse was, she thought she was really all alone.
When all along, she was really just… especial.
Sui generis in her essence.

A human being
transcended into a supernatural state
lesser than God
more like an angel.

Ergo, when dusk faded,
she was gone.

(b,s)

Protected: A letter to you

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: