POET'S SKIN

I dance around vivid imagery and try to create sparks

Change.

pexels-photo-48734-large

“In the end, the essence of life is CHANGE.”

Life is always moving, whether we like it or not. Change is inevitable and is even said to be the only constant that ever existed. Our lives breathe and move all because there is instability in the structures and rules that we define our lives by. The timeline of events that follow through are also a series of unplanned, spontaneous activities that can either spur our happiness or our unhappiness.

I used to think I was open to change, that I always welcomed it with open arms. I always loved the idea of constantly changing my outlook, my environment and rearranging pieces of my life which didn’t feel quite right. I always thought I was a creature of change, and that I was so consistently in motion that even my own life couldn’t keep up with my volatility.

I guess I was wrong. 

All that I had done was embrace the superficial level of ‘change’: just whatever that influenced the exterior. But inside, I was screaming desperately for help. I was stuck in the chains of my familiar past – the past which was never entirely good but in contrast to the current unwelcome change, seemed perfect. I kept wishing I could go back. Go back to a past where the feelings I experienced were like familiar old friends in hide, even if they weren’t necessarily beneficial ones. I refused to let the change be a part of my life. I resisted against it and refused to budge. Closed down all the doors, let up all the walls; Spun a cocoon right where I rested and wove webs around the loud beating of my unsteady heart. The collision of foreign universes just proved to be too overwhelming for me. I. Broke. Down.

In the ruins of my own fall, I tried to assess just what the problem was. I tried to find out what went wrong.

And among the pieces, I found

insecurity

doubt

distrust 

and thankfully, a minuscule piece of … hope. 

And now, I will try again.

But I will eliminate all these stupid little enemies. 

And I will hold on to that tiny amount of hope and I am going to welcome change.

Let’s wait and see.

 

Obscure universes.

“I want to travel the world. Find out more about the universe, flip through its pages and leave my mark.”

But… I have no money for that. No time either. And of course, nobody to go with.

Life sucks.”

… or does it really?

Hot masses. Not burning hot, yet not lukewarm – made possible by the complex system of hormones and blood, directed by a beating mechanism… and a universe.

Drugs, meat, sugar and fats – they float in its ocean like a pollutant, slowly choking it up usually over a period of less than 100 years.

People are attracted to the physical resplendence of the universe and its lands, its mountains, its waters but

when will people start to search for the universes that lie in front of their vision?

The ones that may pass by in a second or stay for an hour – we seem to disregard them.

These temporary universes… they scream for understanding. They scream for someone to discover their land, their galaxy, to pour light for their stars to shine.

Yet here we are, like fools, declaring our love to travel the physical universe

not knowing that the universe we should start exploring first is just standing right before us.

Fools.

 

The equity and inequity of life.

We often always complain and lament about the fact that life is a ball of unfairness – I’m not good looking enough, not smart enough.. heck, why is he taller than me? Why is she richer than me? Why does she always get what she wants? Why do they all have such amazing parents and I don’t? Why? JUST WHY? And as we ask ourselves such comparative questions, we get caught up in the whole evil cycle of questions that seem to assert and highlight just how unfair life is.

Unfairness is a state of mind. No, actually, many things are all in the mind. Be it happiness, anger, irritation – you name it. You control what you feel about your life. And I have reached this simple conclusion:

Life is fair in its own unfair way.

Even if someone seems to have something that you don’t have, or they seem to have it better than you, there will be something in the lives that they lack. Or, they might actually face something bad in the future that is going to be devastating or they might just get the occasional blues that we all get from life. The thing is, we are not God and we cannot predict how their entire lives will turn out. Thus, the best way to live and go forward is to accept the fact that there will always, and i really mean ALWAYS, be people out there who are more put together than you and who are better than you in many ways. And that while you may not have something they possess, you surely will have something that they don’t – whether it’s now or in the future.

Unfairness is a state of mind.

So the next time you find yourself complaining about how unfair life is, think again.

After all, we can’t be blessed with everything.

Fiction: Cancer took you away

The air around was stale. The dandelions were not fluttering in the air like flying petals anymore, and my fur coat was no longer needed in a temperature like this. I tossed my fur coat on the ground and walked up front.

I am back here, once again. 

I took out the dusty photo I kept in the pocket of my jeans, and I held it up against the light, squinting in reflex as sun rays threaten to penetrate my eyes. In the photo, we were us. Everything was as it was. I still remember the ever so vivid traces of memory from that day. The sun was a soft, warm ball that kept the temperature cosy and we were on this very field, carrying trays and trays of pre-packed picnic boxes. I took out the picnic mat and we both lay there, my head in your lap, as we counted the flying petals of the dandelions in our hands. We chased the evening sun which I remembered was dyed in hues of red and orange, Along the chasing, we both fell and tumbled to the ground, laughing, at our attempt to even run among the tall grasses. I hate sweating, but I don’t think I even sweated a single bit that day. Time with you was just that magical.

I blew the dust off the photo and put it back in my jeans where it should be. I leaned back and allowed my body to hit the ground, knowing that the kindness of the grass mass would cushion my landing. And it did. Whoosh. I lay there for hours, keeping still and being muted, without a single movement or word. I lay there for hours and hours, until the sky was stygian dark and the crickets a chirping mess.

It’s been 5 years now, and I have not missed a single Saturday coming back here, coming to a place where I can still feel traces of you.

Some people call me crazy, some people tell me to move on, but I’d just say that all I am trying to do is keep you alive, even when life couldn’t.

Fiction: Veracious dreamer

Lady from forest 3 by Darey-Dawn

My dreams tell stories.

They don’t tell the mundane bedtime stories that lull us to slumber at night, but the eccentric bizarre ones that touch one’s mind like an enigma, engulfed and sheltered in opaque drapes. In my dreams there are always objects filled with deeper meanings, and they always almost never mean what they are in literal terms. Initially, I thought nothing about them. “Dreams are just dreams,” my grandpa used to say. But not when something happened. Something like that happening in my dreams and finally in real life? It could never be a coincidence.

There was one night where I dreamt of being in a forest. This forest was a tangly mess of leaves and vines and I was stuck admist the disarray, screaming to get out. My lungs felt heavy and weary, as though they were filled with water. Instantly, I felt myself pulled down under the ground and strangely, I was then in water. I was in an ocean of unfathomable depth and I could still breathe, as though I was suddenly bestowed with gills. I mean, anything can happen in dreams after all, right? I remember swimming and swimming and the further I swam, the more my lungs hurt, and my muscles, taut. And the deeper I reached, the more corals and seaweeds there was. And so I just kept on going, until I found myself tangled in yet another mess of sea wonder. The weeds were wound around the corals like ribbons tied like knots, and I screamed yet again. As if it was the work of a higher power, my scream got me pulled down to yet another place. Only that it wasn’t exactly a physical terrestrial place we call Earth. I was pulled into space. There, I found myself breathing without the need for any equipment again. I gesticulated in the air, and I remember smiling in fascination at the feeling of liberty, The inextricable feeling of  bareness. Wholeness. And then I woke up. I woke up breathing hard, and in that moment I wondered if my dream could perhaps have been real.

Then one day, it happened. This “forest”. This “sea wonder”. And finally, “space”.

My dreams tell truth.

Large, yet small.

I clear my throat, just in case the world wants to hear my opinions.
I run my tongue over the edges of my white rocks –
smooth and white.
Trust me,
they matter.

But suddenly I am aware that we are flecks of the reflected sun;
and I am just but a minuscule speck of dust –
physically meagre and trifling.
Trust me,
I don’t matter.

I rub my eyes and I look straight – back at myself in the reflection.
My hands move and the image in front of me moves.
Every muscle I clench – it is major.
Trust me,
I matter.

But then I see a trussed up carcass buried below dead grass and dried flowers;
blowflies hanging from the holes where meat once filled.
Everything I am will be gone, in time. It is already gone.
Trust me,
I, you, me, they – we all – don’t matter.

Outshell

You know, maybe one day we all just grow up.

We grow out of our meek little shells coated with the thinnest of materials,
and emerge bare and unclad, bodies dripping with dense fluid.
Would we take the shell that bore us shelter for the past years?
The answer is no, simply because it holds no shed for us anymore.
We grow up, and we grow up, and we grow up,
and along the lines, we discover the person we want to be.
And everything falls into place.
The jagged edges consuming the corners of empty spots
are now covered by the puzzles that have finally found their seating
and we, become.
Whatever we decided to be, we
become.

And I’ll become.

Warm, infinitesimal dimension


Stillness in the air all around – not quite the description for a time like this.
It’s autumn, and the leaves are changing.
Turning into crisp, golden colors, and falling onto my book like little flower petals.
They rustle; glisten; calm. I close the book that’s resting on my laps, and stand up.
The air feels a little chilly, but I feel fine in these warm cotton snugs.
Besides, my scarf is giving me all the protection I need.
My boots hit the bituminous road, making clacking sounds as I tread along.
There is no one here, but I know I am safe, even in this dimension undefined by time and laws.
No one understands me, and that’s why I often escape here, where my whereabouts are but whispers engulfed by the wind. Here, where I drift, no one has to understand me. No one can throw stones at me, nor surround me with their embrace.
And this is just yet another infinitesimal dimension in which I find solace in,
because I know there are so many more portals I will travel through,
and even larger sights to see.
And if you want, I can bring you along.
To the next dimension, may we meet.

what is

The world is playing a game of cards,
and like every other game, it lies in wait for the declaration of the winners … and the losers.
Unlike conventional card games, the rules are not always written in black and white.
At times, no clear delineation is given, to tell you how to emerge triumphant.
It’s a dangerous play – and alas, we have all fallen prey to it.
We are all chained to thin, crusty papers and
we have all forgotten what is left without them.
But,
What is life, if we throw away the labels on our skin? Or the objects that have guided us at whim?
What is life, when I say I am leaving? When I close my walls or open my doors?
What is life, if I change everything?
Follow me, we can run away, just You and I.
We don’t have to engage in child’s play, games made for the mediocre mind.
We can sail on boats to find our dreams
Won’t you follow me now to come and see?

Young Blood.

There are many things in this world that you are still completely oblivious to. There are revelations out there waiting for you to pounce on, and there are secrets that you have yet to unfold. The creases on your skin are still smooth with youth, and the beating of your heart? A constant move.

But the law of time waits for no man, and the passing by of any moment means a moment forever lost. Lost to where, I am not sure, but one thing I am sure of – you can grasp this fleeting moment and capture it, mold it into your perfect picture frame. And if you don’t seize that chance, it will forever slip your fingers by, and the gaps between them will never touch this moment again. Do you really want that? I don’t think so. Also, know that there are many mistakes you are going to make. Any second, any minute, any hour, any day. Mistakes are going to be a constant flux in your life but you can always minimize them. So listen. Listen to me, young one. This is how you should be living your life.

1) Accept, understand & love

I read somewhere that love is the most powerful force on Earth. It’s not light, it’s not gravity, and it certainly isn’t sound. It is love. Love is the driving force of all things beautiful. Love creates unimaginable beauty and love wins everything. It will perhaps be a task to ask you to learn how to tolerate and accept someone you dislike, someone who you perceive to be different from you, or someone whose ways you don’t entirely agree with. Of course it is hard. But I have found that when you do all things with love, you treat everyone with love, the differences between just really don’t matter that much. We are all just human beings. Why can’t we see ourselves as one? Accept, understand and love. And you will see that people around you will also eventually do the same. “Be the Change you Want to see in the World.” These wise words from Gandhi have never been more accurate.

2) Have a little faith in yourself

Many chances are not taken because you don’t believe in yourself. You don’t believe you can do a certain something. Or perhaps you don’t believe you will do it well. Whatever the reason is, please don’t let negligible faith stop you from grabbing a chance. “The impossible only seems impossible until you try.” And that I have found is true (unless you’re talking about stealing the moon). So why not take that chance? You’re not good enough yet anyway, what more do you have to lose? Your face? Oh, you will lose it in about 80 years time, so why not ‘lose’ it now anyway? Don’t be afraid that you won’t be able to do something. “Nothing that we can’t overcome, we’ll make it. We’ll make it out, leaving it all just to go to the other side.”

3) Don’t let others define your happiness

If there’s one thing I have never been more clear about in the past 18 years or so of my life, its that putting your happiness into peoples’ hands is the worst choice ever. Why? Because this happiness of yours that they have seemingly grasped tightly onto gets dropped. All the damn time. People are unpredictable creatures by nature. You can choose to trust people, but putting your happiness in their hands is really risky. Instead, define your own happiness. To you, maybe happiness can be sipping your favourite fruit juice on the way to school or reading a book. I don’t know but, set the boundaries yourself. Find happiness in the little things because happiness is not easy to gain or to find, or even to feel. So be happy at everything. Be happy that your friend is laughing at your lame joke. Be happy that you passed your math test. Be happy that the sky is bright and chirpy. Just find your own happiness.

4) Make an effort.

WORK HARD. I know, it is tough to pick yourself up from your comfort zone and plop yourself into a war zone. But you have to do it. You have to work hard if you want to meet your dreams one day. You have to work hard, to show the world that you are capable of more than just what they see. You have to work hard to fill your medium with valuable knowledge, and plump yourself with views and opinions. You have to work hard to inject the adrenaline of life, the pumping of your blood for a goal that you so badly want. WORK HARD. If you don’t, someone else will.

For now, these are the things I want you to keep in mind. You have been steering away from these values for awhile now, and I’m a little worried. Can you please.. come back? If you do, I will see you soon.