POET'S SKIN

I dance around vivid imagery and try to create sparks

Warm, infinitesimal dimension


Stillness in the air all around – not quite the description for a time like this.
It’s autumn, and the leaves are changing.
Turning into crisp, golden colors, and falling onto my book like little flower petals.
They rustle; glisten; calm. I close the book that’s resting on my laps, and stand up.
The air feels a little chilly, but I feel fine in these warm cotton snugs.
Besides, my scarf is giving me all the protection I need.
My boots hit the bituminous road, making clacking sounds as I tread along.
There is no one here, but I know I am safe, even in this dimension undefined by time and laws.
No one understands me, and that’s why I often escape here, where my whereabouts are but whispers engulfed by the wind. Here, where I drift, no one has to understand me. No one can throw stones at me, nor surround me with their embrace.
And this is just yet another infinitesimal dimension in which I find solace in,
because I know there are so many more portals I will travel through,
and even larger sights to see.
And if you want, I can bring you along.
To the next dimension, may we meet.

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what is

The world is playing a game of cards,
and like every other game, it lies in wait for the declaration of the winners … and the losers.
Unlike conventional card games, the rules are not always written in black and white.
At times, no clear delineation is given, to tell you how to emerge triumphant.
It’s a dangerous play – and alas, we have all fallen prey to it.
We are all chained to thin, crusty papers and
we have all forgotten what is left without them.
But,
What is life, if we throw away the labels on our skin? Or the objects that have guided us at whim?
What is life, when I say I am leaving? When I close my walls or open my doors?
What is life, if I change everything?
Follow me, we can run away, just You and I.
We don’t have to engage in child’s play, games made for the mediocre mind.
We can sail on boats to find our dreams
Won’t you follow me now to come and see?

Young Blood.

There are many things in this world that you are still completely oblivious to. There are revelations out there waiting for you to pounce on, and there are secrets that you have yet to unfold. The creases on your skin are still smooth with youth, and the beating of your heart? A constant move.

But the law of time waits for no man, and the passing by of any moment means a moment forever lost. Lost to where, I am not sure, but one thing I am sure of – you can grasp this fleeting moment and capture it, mold it into your perfect picture frame. And if you don’t seize that chance, it will forever slip your fingers by, and the gaps between them will never touch this moment again. Do you really want that? I don’t think so. Also, know that there are many mistakes you are going to make. Any second, any minute, any hour, any day. Mistakes are going to be a constant flux in your life but you can always minimize them. So listen. Listen to me, young one. This is how you should be living your life.

1) Accept, understand & love

I read somewhere that love is the most powerful force on Earth. It’s not light, it’s not gravity, and it certainly isn’t sound. It is love. Love is the driving force of all things beautiful. Love creates unimaginable beauty and love wins everything. It will perhaps be a task to ask you to learn how to tolerate and accept someone you dislike, someone who you perceive to be different from you, or someone whose ways you don’t entirely agree with. Of course it is hard. But I have found that when you do all things with love, you treat everyone with love, the differences between just really don’t matter that much. We are all just human beings. Why can’t we see ourselves as one? Accept, understand and love. And you will see that people around you will also eventually do the same. “Be the Change you Want to see in the World.” These wise words from Gandhi have never been more accurate.

2) Have a little faith in yourself

Many chances are not taken because you don’t believe in yourself. You don’t believe you can do a certain something. Or perhaps you don’t believe you will do it well. Whatever the reason is, please don’t let negligible faith stop you from grabbing a chance. “The impossible only seems impossible until you try.” And that I have found is true (unless you’re talking about stealing the moon). So why not take that chance? You’re not good enough yet anyway, what more do you have to lose? Your face? Oh, you will lose it in about 80 years time, so why not ‘lose’ it now anyway? Don’t be afraid that you won’t be able to do something. “Nothing that we can’t overcome, we’ll make it. We’ll make it out, leaving it all just to go to the other side.”

3) Don’t let others define your happiness

If there’s one thing I have never been more clear about in the past 18 years or so of my life, its that putting your happiness into peoples’ hands is the worst choice ever. Why? Because this happiness of yours that they have seemingly grasped tightly onto gets dropped. All the damn time. People are unpredictable creatures by nature. You can choose to trust people, but putting your happiness in their hands is really risky. Instead, define your own happiness. To you, maybe happiness can be sipping your favourite fruit juice on the way to school or reading a book. I don’t know but, set the boundaries yourself. Find happiness in the little things because happiness is not easy to gain or to find, or even to feel. So be happy at everything. Be happy that your friend is laughing at your lame joke. Be happy that you passed your math test. Be happy that the sky is bright and chirpy. Just find your own happiness.

4) Make an effort.

WORK HARD. I know, it is tough to pick yourself up from your comfort zone and plop yourself into a war zone. But you have to do it. You have to work hard if you want to meet your dreams one day. You have to work hard, to show the world that you are capable of more than just what they see. You have to work hard to fill your medium with valuable knowledge, and plump yourself with views and opinions. You have to work hard to inject the adrenaline of life, the pumping of your blood for a goal that you so badly want. WORK HARD. If you don’t, someone else will.

For now, these are the things I want you to keep in mind. You have been steering away from these values for awhile now, and I’m a little worried. Can you please.. come back? If you do, I will see you soon.

Here Is The Voice Of An ENFP

This article really sums up who I am. It’s so accurate that I still can’t believe it.

Thought Catalog

ShutterstockShutterstock

I am an ENFP.

I have the ability to look at a situation from many different standpoints. I can see everyone’s side in an argument, whether I want to admit that or not.

I have an energetic and compulsive personality that you’ll either love, learn to love, or despise. I know that sometimes I go a little overboard with my upbeat personality, but I swear I can’t help myself.

I am constantly thinking abstractly about life and who I am; which will come as a huge surprise to many. If you are not close to me, you will only see me as that loud, goofy girl who is always making a scene. But inside I am just burning to make a connection with you. I want to hear about how your day has been, what you’re struggling with, and how I can help you.

I live for human connection.

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Change your destiny – you can.

Modern Isolation

An instant; a click,
and resounding applause fills the vessel.
It’s sound reverberates in the plastic walls –
clamorous at first, but silent at next.

IT’S NOT ENOUGH.

Canes and whips; volcanoes and lava;
spotlight’s on me now.
Hands thrown themselves into the vessel,
but no one takes the hand.

IT’S NOT ENOUGH.

So I scroll past everything once more,
searching for meaning,
anything, really,
to take the pain away.

AND IT STILL ISN’T FREAKING ENOUGH.

It’s not right. No, I’m not doing it right.
There are chains on my ankles
and a balloon around my neck.
I want to fly.

SO I’M LEAVING THIS HOLE.

And I will lose.

Numerous clouds of thoughts have been swirling around in my mind for the past few days. It feels as if I’ve got so much to divulge, yet nothing much to say. The words are trapped in the cages of my mind, and they feel so hard to get off my … tongue. Or fingers.

I’ve been thinking and harping a lot on this one thing – my future. And carpe diem, you might say, but that isn’t going to stop my mind from wandering off to my source of worry. I mean, I really can’t help it. Don’t you know that this world is surrounded by people with all sorts of personalities? And that in this society written in black and white, concocted together by rules and order; intolerant of gray areas – I am the loser. I have so much to lose. I have so much to catch up with. I have so much to run up to. I have so much to… change. I have so much of this, nothing much of that. I am a ball of crumpled up paper, wailing to be smoothed out, screaming to be saved. I am trying to untie my knots and unravel the wrinkled ends. Yet as I try, the world lashes out at me still, and I crawl back into my balled-up form.

What do you want?

And what do I want?

Will I really lose? BUT I DON’T WANT TO.

She Sells Sanctuary.

Preach.

path: ethic.

A friend of mine recently decided to leave conventional churches behind and begin her own worship at home, with her children. She described her first liturgy as being such a wonderful, fulfilling experience, and it got me thinking about the differences of institutions versus private gatherings, in particular with regards to religion and homeschooling. And that got me thinking about cults.

Now, of course, I don’t think my friend is about to start a cult. Here’s where I should probably go through my thought process in greater detail!

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Bidding 2014 goodbye, Ushering in 2015.

So… I finally took the time to type this post and it is currently 1:48 a.m. in the morning, but do you know which morning I am referring to?

YES IT IS THE MORNING OF 1ST JANUARY 2015. Happy New Year! I would like to say that 2015 will not be like the other years, whereby I always go “Oh, time for a fresh start”, “time to change my life” or “time to something new”. We always tend to see something pristine as a turning point for something, and that mentality is so wrong. In actual, life goes on. Life is a continuing cycle and it is never really about refreshing your life to make it better, but rather, I have found that it is about how to continue living, but incrementally better each year. With each year, we take with us invaluable lessons that may have been learnt through the hard way. We take with us experiences, memorabilia, feelings, thoughts, relationships, love into the next year. And perhaps the term of it even being a “new” year is to simply remind us that hey, a year has gone past. Don’t lose sight of your goals and your values. Don’t lose sight of yourself. And most importantly, be better. Improve.

But before I zoom in onto the parts of myself that I have discovered and yet to discover, I would first like to express gratitude over every single person who has entered my life – be it for the good or for the bad. Thank you for giving me an experience unlike any other. These experiences are unique to me, and so are the feelings that you guys have made me developed. Family, friends and acquaintances. You have all been wonderful human beings who have shared joy in my life and made me blossom. Under your care, I am like a seed given unconditional love and care. A seed which will develop only if I allow it to (but it will develop better thanks to all of you). And also, to all the people who doubt me, here’s an african proverb for you: “They tried to bury us, but they didn’t know we were seeds.” THAT’S RIGHT, I am a damn seed. Try to smother my light, try to speckle my water gains, but I will still grow nonetheless. Your efforts will be futile.

Now, it’s time for some spotlight on me.

2014 was like any other year for me – having its own ups and downs. I started 2014 with a very pessimistic attitude (especially during college orientation) as I was thrown into a foreign environment and I initially couldn’t familiarize myself with the vast array of people and their personalities. I was like a lamb thrown into the wild – vulnerable and defenseless. I found that I couldn’t quite cope with the stress and rigor of the school work and its requirements, and I found myself uttering incessantly about how much I regretted going to Junior College, instead of a Polytechnic. (Ask me now, but I will say I no longer have regrets.) Thank you to all who tolerated (or perhaps even understood) where I was coming from and even willed themselves to hear me rant, even though it’s probably annoying to hear someone complain about their regrets 😦 ) Nevertheless, thank you so so much.

However, all of the regret kind of changed when the days started to go by and I became closer to two girls in my class. A few more weeks or months and we became inseparable. Birds of a feather. Metal to chain, and keys to locks. We traveled on the same frequency, and this frequency that we clung on to cannot be felt by others. Sure, they may try to intrude into the atmosphere, but our specific frequency? That is something special, something we’ve never felt with others, but with each other. These two girls, coupled with their encouragements and never-ending love for someone like me who is so dependent of people, showered me with care and under them, I grew like a happy sunflower under the much-needed sun. You girls were my sun. And I hope I was yours too.

Apart from starting my year off regretting, I also started it off with having low self-esteem. Well, actually, it’s not really “started”, I kind of just had low self-esteem all my life. Want to know why? Ask me privately. But yep, I suffered with that kind of stuff. Not that it was obvious at all, because I can cover it easily with my loud tendencies and the way I carry myself. Many people kind of thought I was someone brimming with confidence but I guess, you really really can’t judge a book by its cover (I’m sure we’ve all learnt about that lesson now, haven’t we?) So anyway, I kind of had this mental breakdown near to the end of the year, where I was so immensely pissed off with all my bad qualities that I kind of reverted back to my old (bad) self for a bit and started to be mean and started to insult and berate myself over everything. It was the kind of breakdown which left my pillow in tears every consecutive night, and with my playlist plugged with melancholic melodies. But one thing I pride myself in, is that I am courageous. I dared to walk out of the storm in my brain/heart. I tried to do that. I kept trying and trying and finding reasons to love myself, to not care about what others thought and to push away people’s doubts for me. And it was really tough, because the people who constantly enveloped me in doubt were people really really close with me, such that I wouldn’t mind dying for them (literally). Yet, they surrounded me in a sea of doubt and discouraging comments. It was so so hurtful. So please don’t even ask me why I have to exaggerate about this mental breakdown I had. I have been living with doubt all my life (I’m not sure if it is because I am way too lousy, or if people have way too high standards, but I’m thinking it’s a mixture of both). Anyway, know that pushing away doubt from the people you love so badly feels horrible. It feels downright horrible. But yep, this year, I have learnt how to (slightly) be able to build up shields against these words, and choose to believe in myself. After all, no one believes in me. What if even I don’t believe in myself, hmm?

I have also tried to be less self-centered as a person this year. (Sorry, I still am). Around the early beginnings of 2014, I made a bad decision too. I too have no idea why I would make that kind of a decision, but I guess I wasn’t thinking right back then. So so disappointed in the selfish decision I made with my friend, because I realized I let down people and it is honestly not a very nice thing to do. I myself would be upset if the same happened to me. But of course, that threw me a lesson: You are too self-centered. Yes, I was an only child for 7 years before my brother came in. I guess that was what contributed to me centering attention on myself since young and even until now. This year, I have learnt how to really really shower attention on others instead of me, so yay, that’s one lesson down. Of course, I am still not as generous and kind to that extent yet, but every year, I’m going to get better, alright? 🙂

Okay.. feels like I have typed too much. TMI hehe. Maybe it’s time to move on to my New Year Resolutions!! This year’s resolutions are going to be very easy yet very fulfilling, unlike the hard to complete ones I set last year (which i didn’t even meet…)

Here goes:

1) STAY HAPPY.

Honestly, it is impossible to stay infinitely happy throughout the year because let’s face it, life is not kind to us every single second of our life. Understand this, but know that what I mean by this is to always remain a positive attitude, even when storms are brewing and rain is dropping. Know that you can be the one to fill the world with light in a rainstorm. Have that power.

2) SPEND LESS ON USELESS MATTERS

By that, I mean spend lesser time on useless platforms such as Instagram and such. Spend more time with reading beautiful fiction books than deciding which photo you should post on Instagram. You will realize that your time will become more valuable and precious.

3) EXERCISE MORE AND BE HEALTHY

It’s the year of the NAPFA exams and that sucks because I would have to do a lot of physical training or Im gonna do badly on the test. Anyway, I hope to have a nicer butt and more toned stomach (no shame ahahhahaahah) so I would have to do a lot of exercise and running!!! Food wise, I’m just gonna try to avoid oily and fried and spicy food when I can. Perhaps I’ll eat them only occasionally hehhee (wonder if that will ever happen)

4) BE HARDWORKING

I don’t know about you, but I ain’t a hardworking nor competitive person. And that is the exact reason why I am not a high achiever at anything much (academics wise or leadership wise haha) I am okay to admit that fact, because… well, it’s a fact after all. This year, I want to try to be a bit more hardworking. That will also mean loads of hours in the school library this year. Oh well………….. the school library shall be my second home.

5) BE KIND

Be kind. I don’t know the exact definition of being kind, but I feel like I want to be a person who is genuinely nice and not fake nice, you know? Well I think I am just a mixture of both, But i just hope i can be genuinely nice to every single person (though that is hard) and regardless of situation too (and that is harder). But hmm, yes I can do it.

6) CONFIDENCE BABY

Time to show people that I can be confident. I am confident. I just need to overlook some matters such as people’s opinions. Once I am past that line, I will be invincible to attacks hoho. But, till then… (I am close okay)

That’s it for me. For now, I’m going to turn in and I’m going to wish you a great year ahead too. I hope you have set wonderful goals for yourself and I believe you will follow through with them diligently (If you’ll only let yourself)

GOODBYE 2014

HELLO 2015!